Incoming....

SO. It turns out I'm going to be on Good Morning America tomorrow morning, about 8:40 am EST. Please to watch...

Also, the tour schedule, to the best of my knowledge, is as follows:

Sunday, Oct. 3, 3pm - Reading/Signing, The Great Read in The Park, Bryant Park, NYC, Tent C

Wednesday, Oct. 5, 7pm - Reading/Signing, Vroman's Bookstore, 695 E. Colorado Blvd, Pasadena, CA

Thursday, Oct. 6, 7 pm - Reading/Signing/Food demo, Third Place Books, Lake Forest Park Towne Center, 17171 Bothell Way, NE, Lake Forest Park, WA

Friday, Oct. 7, 7pm - Reading/Signing, Powell's Books, 1005 West Burnside St., Portland, OR

Sunday, Oct. 9, 5 pm - Talk/Signing/Hors D'oeuvres, Ouisie's, 3939 San Felipe, Houston, TX (Hosted by Brazos Bookstore)

Monday, Oct. 10, 7 pm - Reading/ Signing, Book People, 603 North Lamar, Austin, TX (co-hosted by Texas Monthly)

Tuesday, Oct. 11, 12 pm - Talk/Signing/Lunch, Bartolotta's Lake Park Bistro, 3133 East Newberry Blvd, Milwaukee, WI (Hosted by Harry Schwartz Bookshop)

Tuesday, Oct. 11, 7 pm - Reading/Signing, Harry Schwartz Bookshop, 2262 South Kinnickinnic Ave, Milwaukee, WI

Wednesday, Oct. 12, 7pm - Talk/Signing/Hors D'oeuvres/Dinner, Dinners Together, 1292 Rickert Dr., Ste. 108, Naperville, IL (Hosted by Anderson's Bookstore)

Friday, Oct. 14, 7pm - Talk/Signing/Dinner, Chez Henri, 1 Shepard St., Cambridge, MA (Hosted by Porter Square Books)

Wednesday, Oct. 19, 7:30 pm - Reading/Signing, Barnes & Noble, 4 Astor Place, NYC

Friday, Oct. 21, 12 pm - Talk/Signing/Lunch, Santa Rosa Jr. College Culinary Cafe, 458 B Street, Santa Rosa, CA (hosted by Copperfield's)

Friday, Oct. 21, 7pm - Reading/Signing, Book Passage, 51 Tamal Vista Blvd, Corte Madera, CA

Tuesday, Oct. 25, 7:30 pm - Talk/Signing/Dinner - Pascal's on Ponce, 2611 Ponde de Leon Blvd., Coral Gables, FL (Hosted by Books & Books)

Sunday, Oct. 30, 12:30 pm - Texas Book Festival, Austin, TX, location TBA


Oh, and also - keep your eyes peeled for a thoroughly bitchy review in this weekend's NYT Book Review. Written by a contributor to Vanity Fair Magazine, which published a piece about how Nigella Lawson is an overweight Jewish husband-murderer, so we don't care, do we?

And so it begins

After some stunning reviews of my book, I've finally gotten one written by someone not on the Time Warner pay roll. The result is, well, less than glowing, but sort of a relief, for all that:

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/09/25/RVGDPEO72H1.DTL&type=books

I'll be coming up with that tour schedule just as soon as ever I can - promise.

Lifestyles of the Pockmarked and Famous....

Last week was probably the strangest in my Life as a Writer thus far. I had two photo shoots in a row. And I'm not talkin' about in no plastic cup. I'm talkin' about make-up artists, wardrobe, elaborate set pieces, the whole nine yards. Wednesday I was dressed, for unfathomable reasons, as the girl in the pearl earring - it took the efforts of three wardrobe professionals to get my head properly wrapped. Then I rolled on my back on this mechanic's slide deal and stuck my head through a cut-out hole where the face of this elaborately created woman-o-fruit's face would be. The rest of that day I spent with my hand up a turkey's ass. The turkey was real, but it was surrounded by fake ice that was made out of some truly nasty jello stuff.

On Thursday I shot a series of photos about An Ordinary Woman Cooking, for an article I'm writing. In a studio kitchen. In Williamsburg. With a totally hip Williamsburg wardrobe and professional makeup. And all the food made by a food stylist. The same food stylist, as it turns out, who had built the woman of fruit the day before. I'd also met the make-up person before. When I got my picture taken with lobsters for Reader's Digest. (Reader's Digest??!!!!) Her name is Renee, she has pink hair, she's very nice.

But, just so you know I'm keeping it real: stressed out because of the photo shoot, and because of all these articles I'm totally behind in writing, and because of personal issues which are none of your business, thank you very much, I broke out in the most hideous cold sore I've had in a long, hideous history of cold sores. This one popped up at the corner of my mouth and spread very nearly to my chin. I look like a leper. As one of my several make-up artists sighed, "Thank God for Photoshop." I suppose she should know.

As you guys know, I have a history with this stuff. Given that history, I imagine that when the book starts I'm going to spontaneously lose a leg or something.....

A couple of ground rules...

I was hanging out with Em and Paul Z and his girlfriend last night, and Paul was talking about this here new blog thingamajiggy. He said he was excited to see I'd started blogging again, but after a few days he was, like, "where's the deodorant aspect?"

Some of Paul Z's metaphors require a bit of unpacking. What he meant was, why was I not blogging like I put on my deodorant, every morning? Where was the dailiness?

Indeed.

This here blog is simply a way for those of you who want to to keep up with what's going on re: the book, and the book tour, and crazy silly shit that happens to me because of the book (I've got a funny story about some lobsters and a photographer from Reader's Digest....) But that's it. I'm not starting another project, not just yet. Perhaps in a few months. And I don't much want to just reenter the blogging ranks just to contribut to the deluge. I don't have anything interesting to add.

For now this is just a bit of a newsletter, I guess. I'm not going to be writing every day. I'm not going to be describing the maggots under my dishrack - not much, anyway. I'm just keeping folks in the loop. It's not a lot of fun, maybe, but there you go.

So - book news. I'm getting my 25 copies by the end of the next weeka. I guess I have to start picking and choosing who gets a copy and who doesn't. I'm also doing some remarkably silly photo shoots - like with someone picking out clothes for my and everything. I'm drunk with power and dizzying, dizzying fame!!!!

Robert's doing fine. Actually, he just went to the vet, and he has to go on glucosamine and lose ten pounds. But he's good. Once I figure out how to post pictures, I'll put one up.

Oh, and the whisk on the cover of the book is not mine, but I like it. The expression on the egg's face seems very apropos, very defeated and perplexed.

That's all for now.....